Burn motherfucker, burn

Is the "Eve" same Eve who used to work with my sister?
What would be the consequences of my sister reading my block?
What does it mean that there comes signs of the teasers in my e-mail?
Is it pathetic or healthy to drink cider 3 pm?

Sun is shining on my face through dirty windows. I washed them just few days ago, but I am a lousy washer, and the windows remained dirty. I am listening a collected list of memories from my years in psychosis. I dropped a couple of tears for the sake of grieving, or because the memories are painful. The process is on.

What happens to a person when there is nobody to turn to, and she perpetually finds her home "raped?" When going to police is void due to the stigma of mental disorder. And still objects keep disappearing from home.

Here I sit in my home I once found an insecure place, where neither I or my things were safe. The sadists disappeared from my life in 2007, the same year the locks were changed. Few occasions have brought those I want to forget, in to my mind. One was when my ex-man was kicked and beaten in front of a bar 2010.

Today no items disappear, nor there is no threats are posed in net. But today there came an e-mail: "The forgotten password - you ordered a new one." No one even knows I have registered in the best-buy-net.

For me who lived through the years of terror due to those penetrations, no sudden change or unusualness pass by unnoticed. Somewhere there, the people once terrorizing my home, are still, with their motivation to spread fear and torture people 'till death or surrendering. Somewhere there they are, the haunters, with their deathly games.

There is nothing I can do about that domain, so I keep on living despite the knowledge of their existence. I take pride to myself I lasted all those years. It would have been easy to commit a suicide. And I tried a few times. But I would have never given in to them.

"So heavy on my heart"